3 EASY steps to control and dominate your woman

Editor's note: Sarki Gadah, the Legit.ng partner blogger, explains the best three ways to deal with a rude and domineering lady.

Gadah is the founder of Psychologist Magazine, which exists to help improve the standard of human experience in areas of health, parenting and relationship.

More details in Legit.ng’s step-by-step guide for guest bloggers.

“My girlfriend is becoming a problem, she doesn’t accept faults. Whenever I attempt to correct her, it becomes a problem. She wants me to do what she wants but will never do what I want. To cut the story short, I am always the one apologising even when the fault is clearly hers.”

This was a comment I got from a young man, few weeks ago. From his narration, the lady in question has had three broken engagements before he met her. Dealing with people with this kind of attitude is a hectic endeavour; their cognitive distortions and unusual perceptual experience makes it difficult for them to maintain intimate relationships.

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In healthy relationships, when the action or inaction of one party causes harm, emotional distress, or significant inconvenience to the other, the offender often listens to his/her partner’s reactions and this should be followed by a sincere apology; both because it is deserved and because it is the best way to earn forgiveness and alleviate the pain one might have caused other partner.

But in similar situations, a rude and domineering individual will typically defend his/her actions to avoid taking responsibility. Why will someone be so opinionated and arrogant to the person he/she claims to love?

For this kind of people, taking responsibility for their actions carries deeper psychological implications than what the act literally implies. Acceptance of faults is incredibly threatening for them because they have trouble separating their actions from their character.

Their disposition is similar to that of people with ‘schizotypal personality disorder’. "If they did something bad, they must be bad people, if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring, and if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc." Therefore, accepting faults represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.

Secondly, they fear that by accepting that they are wrong, they would assume full responsibility and exempt their partner or the other party of being culpable. By refusing to take responsibility for their actions, they are trying to manage their emotions.

These are the steps to adopt in dealing with a rule and domineering lady:

Step 1. Make her need you

Breaking someone mentally is not an easy task, especially when it involves his values and belief. But with the right timing and technique, it is a lot easier. To really win her completely to yourself, you must become an important part of her life that she wouldn’t want to lose. You must first of all make her fall deeply in love with you. This is because love softens even the hardest heart.

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You might have read or heard about Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love language theory, which discusses how one can fill the love tank of his partner. According to Chapman, each of us is geared towards having a primary love language.

Figure out how she wants to be loved and speak that language often. If you are confused about identifying her primary love language, ask what makes her feel most loved, and use it to increase the bond between you two. Nothing you do will mean much to her unless it is what she derives pleasure in. Doing this consistently and intensely will tighten the bond between you two.

Step 2. Take Action

Once you are confident she has fallen head over hills in love with you, that is the time to strike. The next time she put up such behaviour, do not tolerate it. Stay true to yourself and be sincere. If she go wild because of that, show her you don’t care anymore. Give her the impression that you are fed up with that attitude. If possible, take a break off the relationship.

Sometimes, the best way to make someone appreciate your worth is to stay away, at least for a while. But before you do that, be sure you are ready for the worst because it could be the end of the relationship.

If the affection she has for you is genuine, she will come back, and when she did come back, she will be ready for negotiations. If she didn’t come back, let her go. Your peace and happiness is not guaranteed with her. Look for a better partner because you deserve one but if it works, congratulations in advance.

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Note that such attitude may reoccur, sometimes in a different form. And when that happens, do not wave it away; always discuss it and figure out ways you can nurture each other's feelings for the better.

Step 3. Do not forget how you won her. Repeat step 1 for the rest of your life

If you have suffered rejection in the past because of this personality trait, seek help immediately, you don’t have to wait until it causes more harm to your life and relationship.

The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily represent the editorial policy of Legit.ng.

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